Chapter 112 - I'm Sorry Mr. Johnson

After several attempts to get Monica to get in the car, Jon decides to give her what she wants.  He drives off and leaves her alone.  

Leaves her alone to walk and think, just like she had asked.  With his thoughts all over the place, he realizes that the best place for him to be was at home.  He knew that he needed to be in the house when she got home.  So, with his tail tucked between his legs and the state of his marriage unknown, he goes home and waits.  Waits for his wife to get home.

Two beers later, Monica walks in the door, not even acknowledging Jon.  She walks passed him, sitting at the kitchen table.  "Hey?" he says, reaching for her as she slides by.  "Monica, can we talk about this?"

In the bedroom door, she stops and leans against the door jamb.  After she takes a long calming deep breath, she looks at Jon and says, "There really isn't anything to talk about at this point, Jon.  There is a girl that's claiming you're the father of her unborn baby.  In just a couple of weeks, we will have the blank spots in our memories explained."

"Monica, that baby isn't mine." he yells at her, slamming his fist on the kitchen table.  "Can we talk about this please?"

Monica keeping her gaze fixed upon Jon pushes herself off of the jamb and before she turns to walk into the bedroom, she tells him, "I'm going to my moms for a couple of days.  I need to clear my head about all of this."

A swoop of his arm, the table is clear and he is on his feet, "You aren't going anywhere until we talk about this, come on."  He starts to walk in her direction, following her into the bedroom.  "Running isn't the answer."

"WHAT IS THE ANSWER?" she screams at him, turning quickly on her heels, not liking his hand on her arm, she shakes him off.  "This girl knows more than most Jon.  She was on a NEW YORK radio station telling her story.  Our family and friends are going to find out about all of this if they haven't already!"  Monica makes her way to her closet, grabbing a duffle bag from off of the floor - she starts to fill it with clothes and shoes.  "I am humiliated, embarrassed and very fucking confused." she yells from the closet.

Jon, standing in the closet door with his arms folded on his chest, "If you're so embarrassed by it is running away from it the right thing to do?" his sarcasm is pissing Monica off.  "To many that will look like you believe it.  Do you believe it?"

"I don't know what to believe.  She knows too much."  Monica cries at him, "I don't want to believe it, but......" she's getting frustrated even more, the clothes that she wants in the bag aren't fitting right.  With one hard slam, the bag hits the floor and she whimpers, "I don't know what to believe, I don't know what to do.  I want to go to my mothers for a few days."

Jon kneels beside her, cupping her head in his hands, "You can't run away from me, not now."

"I want to go spend a few days with my mom, Jon."

"You stay here.  I'll go stay with one of the guys, or my parents." he kisses her forehead.  "There's no reason for you to leave your home because of some shit that we have been dragged into."

Monica catches his gaze, whispering to him with her stomach in her throat, "Did you sleep with her?"

He can't answer her.  If he does, if he answers her honestly, he will only hurt her more.  So, he looks at her and kisses her nose.  He was hoping that he could distract her, maybe take her mind off of it, but that didn't last long.  "Answer me Jon.  Did you sleep with her?"

Closing his eyes and holding his breath, he answers her as honestly as he can, "I don't think so."

Monica had to catch her breath, she had to swallow hard to get the next words out of her mouth, "Could you be the father of her baby?"

"I don't know.  So much of that time is a blank, babe."  he leans in to kiss her.

"Don't!" she springs to her feet.  "Don't touch me."

"Mon.........."

"How could you?" she's heartbroken, she's crushed.  "How could you even tell me that you don't know?" she starts to cry a little harder now.  Jon stands up and tries to pull her to him, but she's like lead weight.  "just go."  She whispers through her hands that were covering her face, "Please just go."

"How can you want me to go when I tell you that I don't know if I did?" he questions, not seeing her logic.

"The Jon that I married that day in Vegas would have been able to say no, without hesitation."

"What does that mean?"

"The you that you were back then, I never would even have to question you." she cries a little harder, thinking of the man that she married all those months ago.

"I haven't changed."

"But you don't know if you fucked my nurse, were busted by her best friend AND knocked her up?" her hurt is icing over with each word that she says, "the man I married, there wouldn't have been anyway that any of that was even a possibility."

"I didn't fuck her Monica." he repeats himself over and over.

"Please leave." she asks again, watching him stand up from sitting on the floor, "Just go."

He stands before her and can see that she is damaged, that she is potentially destroyed.  He wants to touch her, her wants to hold her and try to make her feel better, but he knows that he needs to leave.  He knows that Monica will deal better with it all if she has some alone time.  His eyes are fixed on her lips, with one finger he reaches up and catches a tear before if falls to the floor.  "I'm going.  But promise me that you'll call me if you want to talk."  Monica looks up at him and says nothing.  But Jon can read the thoughts on her face, "I'm going to mom and dad's."

She closes her eyes and stands there with them closed, catching her breath that seems to be escaping her.  She nods slightly and says nothing.  Jon leans in, kisses her on the head and says, "I love you babe.  We are going to get to the bottom of this.  I promise."  She gives him another nod and steps passed him.

Jon leaves after grabbing a change of clothes.  Monica stands at the foot of their bed and looks around the bedroom.  There are many framed pictures of her and Jon.  Her and the guys in the band.  She stops on the picture of her and Richie that she's had for years.  A small smile finds her lips and she can't fight it.  The memories that she has of Richie, before she met Jon were some of the best times in her life.  And since she has been married to Jon and since she started working for the band, her me time with Richie didn't exist anymore.  She walks over and looks closer at the picture.  Her thoughts bounce all over the place and she doesn't know what to do with her nervous energy.

She finally decides that she's going to try to put her thoughts on paper, either as therapy that she will burn once she's done or as a way to tell Jon how she feels.  Why not?  She asks herself.

Once she found a tablet of paper and a working pen that didn't have the cap chewed all up, she centers herself in the middle of her bed and starts with the first thoughts that come to mind.

Our accident was just that, an accident.  We didn't ask for it to happen.  But now we have to live with all of the consequences that are a result of it.  And we will.  I just need time.  I don't think that you will ever know how grateful that I am for what you did for me right after the accident and until this very point.  You saved me, whether you know it or not Jon.  And as I thank you, I also feel that I need to apologize. 

While I laid there in the coma, I'm sorry that I wasn't there to make you happy.  I'm sorry that I wasn't there when you were down.  I'm sorry I missed you birthday baby.  I wish I'd seen you blow those candles out.  I'm sorry that I couldn't be the woman that you married, and I'm not sure that I will ever be her again.  A big part of her died in that Vegas hospital with our baby and what's left of me, well, people are slowly picking it away.  You, your band and now this crazy woman that just told the world that you're going to be a daddy.  Well Jon, there is truth to that part of her story - but she isn't the main character.  I am.  And we're having a baby.