Chapter 138 - Too Weak, Too Proud, Too Tough

He knocks on her door, his stomach in his throat.

 He is more nervous at this moment than he was the first time that he walked on stage in front of 30,000 people.  And on that night, he was so nervous, he actually got sick.

The seconds that pass feel like a lifetime to him.  He can't hear anything from inside the room, but that's not surprising as he can hear noise from the hotel and the busy street outside.  When those lifetime seconds pass, he knocks again.  From the distance he can hear Monica yell, "Come in."  He's shocked, but slowly does as she says.

One deep breath and he turns the knob, pushing open the door.  When he sees her towel drying her hair, his butterflies took full flight.  Before he could say anything, she says, "Just leave it by the door.  Thank you."  She continues drying her hair, paying no attention to the person that just walked into her room.  Jon deduces that she thinks he's room service.  

"Hey Mon, it's me."  he says from the bottom of his heart.

She's startled, dropping her towel as she looks to him.  "Jon, what are you doing here?"

He takes a few steps in her direction, "I had to see you."

"You shouldn't have come."  Monica's anger starts to rise to the top again.  

He looks at her, really at her.  He can see that she's had no sleep, "Baby, you look tired."

"Sorry." she says with a snarky tone, "I really wish you hadn't come here."  She reminds him, taking a seat on the couch.

He gently sits next to her and tries to take her hand, she refuses to let him touch her.  "I had to come and explain."

"Explain what?  How you cheated on me with a friend of mine?" again with more tone.  "You flew around the world to rub it in my face?"  she gets back on her feet, walking away from him, her loose robe falling open.  Jon can see her beautiful body and that hits him pretty hard.  He's forgotten how beautiful she is, from the inside out.  

"I came to tell you that I'm sorry.  I came to tell you that I fucked up!" he pleads with her to listen.  "Monica, I came to throw myself at your feet and beg for your forgiveness."  Another step in her direction and she takes on back, almost falling over the coffee table.  

She holds up her hands, giving him the signal to not come any closer.  "This has already hit the news Jon, do you have any idea how hurt I am and how embarrassed I am?  From Erica, I'd expect it.  She's an undercover groupie, but from you, I never would have thought that you would ever cheat on me."

His hands go to his face, rubbing his eyes, he admits, "My actions were stupid.  I know.  I just got so upset about you taking pictures of him in the shower.  I wasn't thinking clearly and I let my emotions and Jack Daniels take control."

"That's no excuse Jon."  she replies, pulling the tie on her robe closed.  "I was just doing my job and you, you were what, getting laid?" she barks at him, her anger rising with each second that she looks at him.  "You cheated on me because of that?  That just proves that you don't trust me."

There is a knock at the door.  Monica answers it, showing room service where to leave the cart.  After she signs the check, the room service attendant leaves them to get back to their pissing match.  

"Can you just go?" she asks him with tears filling her eyes, "I have alot to do today and having this conversation isn't one of them."  She turns the knob on the door, ""Go back home Jon."

"I'm not leaving Monica until you talk to me and we work this out."

She's now pissed!  She lets go of the knob and takes a step in his direction.  When she is about nose to nose with him she tells him in the simplest of ways, "Go home.  I am not doing this here.   This is MY job and you and your bullshit are not going to ruin my career or tarnish my reputation.  If you want to run around and fuck whatever lays down in front of you, you go right ahead - because all of that, you will be doing as a divorced man, Jon.  When I get home, I'm filing for divorce."

It's right then that he can see in her eyes just how deeply and how badly he has hurt her.  "You don't mean that."  His hand slides up her arm, she pulls away.

Without opening her mouth, talking between her teeth she says, "I meant every word I just said.  Our marriage is over."  They stand there, face to face for what Jon hoped would be forever.  He watched a tear roll down her cheek and she watched his eyes well up with tears.  

"Over one indiscretion?" he whispers, wanting nothing more than to touch her.

"One that I know about." she's quick to reply.  "How many others are there that I don't know about?"  That thought makes her almost ill.  She needs to step away and take a breath.  "How many more?"  she says in a whimper, leaning her head on the window pane.  

He moves to be close to her.  His hand gently lies on her back, "Mon, she is the only one, I swear to God."  Monica shutters his hand off of her, "baby, I swear.  It's just the one time and if I could take it back, I would.  If I could take your pain, I would."

"Go." she states.  "Please just go."

"Monica, I'm sorry.  Babe, please don't do this." he pleads with her.

She turns on her heel.  "You did this!"  she reminds him.  "Now go.  I have a ton of shit today and I don't need you in my head, with all of your excuses and I'm sorry baby's"  she rakes her fingers through her hair, "We're done Jon."

She takes her leave and barricades herself in the bathroom.  Jon tries to follow her, but the door slams in his face.  His head resting on the door, "I'm serious, I'm not leaving until we talk about this."

Monica, leaning on the bathroom vanity ignores him at first, but is persistence wears her down after a few moments, "Jon, I have a full day scheduled.  I'm actually leaving for Osaka this afternoon, can we please do this when I get home?"

"NO!" he's starting to get angry, forgetting that he is the root of their problem.  He wants to make it about her job, he wants to make his guilt go away, but she's not helping.  "Why are you going to Osaka?"  that struck him as odd.  Doc never said anything about Osaka. 

"For work, I'm going to Osaka for work."  she tells him, getting louder with each word.  "Why are you doing this to me?"  

"Just come out here and listen to what I have to say.  If you still want me to go after that, I'll go.  But I didn't fly around the world to just let our marriage die in Japan."

"It died in Dallas,Jon."  she musters with a lump in her throat.  

What could he say?  Can he pick up the pieces of her broken heart and put it back together again?  Would she let him?  "You know I'm sorry about that.  Monica, she meant nothing, it meant nothing.  It was me feeling sorry for myself with too much to drink and thoughts that would not end.  Put yourself in my position.  What if I were taking pictures of Madonna in the shower?  How would you feel about that?"  he bangs his head on the door.  "Goddamn it Monica, talk to me, please?!?!"

She doesn't respond.  As she listens to him, she prepares herself for the day, knowing that her car would be there for her in a little while to take her to the helipad.  She's dabbing blush on her cheeks when she hears the door knob jiggle.  She looks at it, certain that she had locked the door.  "Jon, I don't have time for this."

"Just come out here, please."  his voice trails off as he walks away from the door.  "I need to talk to you, tell you everything before you decide our marriage is over."

The bathroom door flies open, "YOU DECIDED OUR MARRIAGE WAS OVER WHEN YOU DECIDED TO FUCK ANOTHER WOMAN!"  she is now in his face.  "And if you say another word about it, I'm slapping you in the face, John Francis.  I am sick of all the bullshit that we have been through and whether it was my fault or whether it was your fault, "I'M PAYING FOR IT!"  

He's puzzled by that statement.  "What are you talking about?"

"It's me who always gets the shit end of things.  It's me that has to sit on the sidelines when things are good, it's me that has to physically endure the bullshit when life kicks my ass.  It's me that has to deal with your crazy ex's, I have to deal with your goddamn ego over a song that I fucking wrote with you and you feel that I need to get your permission to use it.  Permission from my husband to use words that I wrote."  She is again nose to nose with him again and he can see the veins in her forehead pulsate, "It's me that's finally taking charge of my career.  It's me that is now going to take matters into my own hands and deal with the fact that you cheated on me.  It's me that will no longer sit in the back of the room quiet as a mouse and wait to be spoken to."  

She pauses to catch her breath and she can see that he's wanting to speak.  "Do not say another word."  She reaches for her juice off of the room service cart and takes a sip, from the breakfast that she hasn't enjoyed.  "You dealt with your issues by sleeping with another woman, apparently.  Me, Jon, I'll deal with it by just dealing with it.  No booze, no man - like a big girl.  And for the record, the pictures that I took of Rick in the shower were captured with remote control.  I was no where in the room when he was naked."  She takes another drink and swallows hard, "The pictures showed the top of his ass and that's it.  We alluded to the fact that he was naked."  She ended her sentence and then watched him process all of that.

His hands catch his head as he lowers it to hide his shame.

"My car will be here in less than an hour.  I really have to get ready to go.  Go home Jon, I'll call you when I get back.  But until then, please don't contact me and please don't just show up.  I'm embarrassed by what you have done and I don't want to answer any more press questions while I'm on tour with Rick.  That makes me look very unprofessional."

"Mon...."  her hand goes up to stop him again.

Monica decides she needs some coffee so she pours herself a cup.  "I need time to process all of this.  Between you, Erica, Rick and the press - I'm overwhelmed, Jon."

"What's Erica doing?" he questions.

Monica laughs, "Selling her story of how she slept with that cute guy in that rock band."  she couldn't hide the disgust in her voice any longer.  "Rick is being very supportive and I'm dodging phone calls from my best friend, YOUR GUITAR PLAYER!"