Chapter 152 - When It Hurts

"I don't think you'll ever understand my love for you." he mumbles to her, over the loud exhaust, "I don't think you'll ever know how bad I feel for what I did to you and to us."

"I do, Jon.  It's just....." she stops what she's saying to gather her words.  She's tired of the tired conversation.  She wants to end the banter and begin to heal, but she doesn't think that's in their cards.  She's learned over the years, that when Jon feels guilt or when he feels bad about something, he likes to talk.   Maybe not about what he's guilty or feels bad about; he just likes to talk.  "It's that when you want to, we beat whatever it is to death and then when it's something that I need or want to talk about, the conversation never stays on me."

"Like what?" he quickly looks at her from the corner of his eye, "I'll talk about what ever you want to talk about."

"Can I decide what we don't talk about?"  she reaches over and rolls her window down, wanting the night New Jersey air to flow through her hair.  "How about we stop talking about this and change the subject."

"To what?" 

Monica slides her hand over the seat and rests it on his thigh, "Let's talk about the record release.  Do you have any album drop shows planned?  I could add footage to your film, to go along with the album.  I don't think there's enough."

"We have some tv show dates that I know of, but nothing big, I don't think."

"I think we should add more footage with the new songs."

"Okay." he's quick to agree.  Her request was simple and it involved her working with him again.  Score one for Jon Bon Jovi.

"Fall release, right?" she questions him.

He nods, "Yeah, August, September.  Something like that." 

They made small talk all the way back home.  He didn't want to hurt her anymore and she didn't want to irritate him any farther.  

Back at home, he kicks off his Adidas at the back door and says, "I need a shower, wanna join me?"

"No, you go ahead.  I have to make a phone call." she says, dropping her pocket book onto the kitchen table.  She twists her arm to look at the time on her watch, "It's only 8 pm in California, I have to call Rick."

She can see Jon inhale like he was going to talk, and she also seen him biting his tongue.  After a few seconds pass, "Ok, offer stands."  He walks by her and snags her up, "I love you, Mon.  I really really love you."

She smiles from the inside out.  "I know you do, and I love you more."  She kisses his cheek, "I must love you."  

Jon lets her go and heads into the bedroom to take his shower, leaving Monica alone to call Rick.  He has no idea what prompted this urgent call, but he decided he wasn't going to question her.  He needs to let her take care of her and what she can't do on and for herself - he'd pick up the slack, but the conversation she was having with her boss was only his business when she made it that way.

"That was fast."  he says, startled by the shower door opening.  His wife drops her towel and steps in the stall with him, smiling.  "Is everything okay?"

"I told him that I can't do the movie with him, not at this time." she slides her arms around Jon's waist and pulls him closer.  "My husband needs me now, and I need him.", still smiling.

Jon can't believe what he'd just heard, "You told him that?"  He spins her around, slowly working her body under the warm stream of water, gently pulling her hair back off of her face, now soaking her from head to toe.  As the water flows over her face, Monica fills her mouth and playfully spits it at Jon.

 Still smiling, she shakes her head, "Yeah, I did."

"Babe, you didn't have to do that.  We would have gotten through it." he's honest in the words that he's speaking, as they come from the deepest depth of his heart.  "We could have made it work with our schedules."

She shakes her head no, rather intently.  "I need to work this out with you and take care of my obligation with the band, with your band.  I can do his edits and stuff from here and maybe do a weekend or two there with him, so I can have his input for the documentary - but as for the movie, no - I need to be with you."

Jon's smile slowly covered his face, "Was he pissed?" he asks with a giggle, like one would hear from a little kid.  

"He's not happy." she admits, "I told him I'd call him later in the week and we could hammer out some details, but if I know Rick, he wants what's best for me."

"Even if he ain't it?"  Jon laughs at himself, holding his wife tighter than he has in a very long time.  He kisses the top of her head and thinks to himself, Jon Bon Jovi 2.