Chapter 148 - Hurt Me, Heal Me

"Is this your way of getting back at me?"  he asks her, holding his coffee cup with both hands.  

She can see that he's shaky and she can see that he looks amazing sitting at the kitchen table in no shirt.  "Is this what you do to get even with me about Erica?"

"What?  Co-direct a movie?" she sarcastically asks, like that would even compare to what he's done to her.  "What will it hurt?"

"And that's all it is?"  He leans back in the chair, "All it is is working on his movie together?  A movie about what?"

"A movie about being a rock-star."

"Terrible concept." he snaps at her, not even giving the project a serious thought.  "You just did one about a rock-star, me."

"With a story line Jon."

"A love story?"

"What does that matter?  It's an opportunity to make a movie, to direct a real Hollywood movie." she stands, sliding her plate off the table to place it in the sink.  "It's a good chance to try directing a vision that isn't mine."  Her head drops, not feeling the fight at the moment.  "Do you wanna tell me what's eating at you? I just get home and this is what we're doing?"  She turns back around and faces him.  She's tired and she doesn't want to argue with him, but she can see that his pissy attitude isn't for nothing.  

"Read the paper."  he tells her, taking it from where he tucked on on the table, and drops it where she was sitting.  "Go right to the entertainment section."  Monica fills her cup with coffee and sits down to read the paper.  "You're making the papers now, without me."

She looks up at him and smiles, "Really?  Was it a good review?" she's referring to her rockumentary that she made for Bon Jovi.  While she was away, it was released to small markets for testing and she thought maybe, finally, the critics and the fans are taking her seriously.  She fingers through the pages sipping her coffee, commenting on what she reads along the way and then she gets to it.  The page that she's on.  She reads the article, and shakes her head, looking over at her husband.  It's then that she sees what's eating at him.  She closes the paper and asks, "Is this what has you so pissy?"

Jon folds his arms over his chest, leans his head back and laughs a little bit, "Well, yeah.  I think that's a very good reason to be pissy, don't you think?"

"Do you believe this bullshit?" she blurts, tossing the paper at him, "You believe this bullshit?"  She bolts from her chair and stands over him, "Regardless of what you've done to me, Jon, I'd never do this to you and if I had, I can guarantee that it would never make it to the paper.  You would never know.  The Rick Springfield world is worlds apart from the Bon Jovi world."  she walks away and thinks about what she just said.

He goes after her, "So, are you saying that if you had an affair, I'd never find out about it?"

"I'm saying that I would never do it and when I really think about it, if I were to have an affair, that would mean that our marriage is over."

"Is it?" he asks, taking hold of her arm, keeping her close, "Is our marriage over?  Are you out in public with Rick to show me and the world that you're moving on?"

Monica looks at him expressionless.  "I don't know about our marriage Jon.  And as for Rick, he's my boss, nothing more, nothing less."

"That you bar hop with in Miami?"  he's snarky and she didn't like that.

"We all, all of the crew, went out that night.  I have no control of what the paparazzi shoot or what they say.  But that's it - he's my boss and he treated his team out for a night of rest and relaxation.  You know how hard touring can be."

"Why was your head covered?" he lets her arm free and takes himself into the living room, away from a situation that was going no where.  

"I was shielding myself for this very reason.  They don't know who that woman is.  No one needed to know that I was out on the town with anyone, specially after your indiscretion."  That hurt him almost as bad as the article did.

He runs his fingers through his mane, "Have you figured out if you can forgive me and if we can get passed all of this?"  in defeat, he takes a seat on the couch.  Monica can see that he's hurting, but she knows that she can't put his pain before her own.  She needs to deal with Monica before she can deal with Jon.

Taking a seat next to him, she takes her hand in his, "Jon, I love you, but you killed me.  You took my world out from underneath me and then wanted me to act like nothing happened."

"That's not true.  I didn't want you to act like nothing happened, I wanted us to try to get back to where we were."

"But you had no idea how to do that.  You had no idea how badly, how deeply you hurt me."

"I did know, and again babe, I'm sorry!" he lowers his head, takes her hand and kisses it.  "I can kinda feel how you felt, when I read that article this morning I wanted to kill him and then I wanted to die."

"Sucks doesn't it?" she tries to lighten the mood.  "Having the thought that your lover, your best friend was with another can be a real downer.  And finding out from someone other than that lover makes it a million times worse."

"Monica, I am so sorry that I did that."

"It heart breaking, it's humiliating and it can knock the wind out of you.  Can you see why forgiveness isn't so easy?  I mean, I kiss you and think of her.  I wonder if your lips were all over her body like they are mine.  I wonder if you thought about me at all.  If you thought about our life and the brand we are trying to build.  Did you think about what your fans would think?  I'm sure all of them want me to divorce you now - so they can have a shot at ya.  You fucked everything up Jon, everything!"  She's getting angry now, reliving those thoughts that she buried for the last few weeks, "You made love to another woman and here it is, just a few weeks after the fact and you want me to forgive you, act like it never happened?"

"That's not it Monica!"  he leans back on the couch and kicks one foot up on the coffee table.  "I want you to accept that I made a very poor decision.  I want you to believe that it will never happen again, and I need you to tell me what I can do to help you get through this.  How can I help you love me again?"

"I love you, Jon.  With all of my heart and the rest of my body.  I'm just disappointed in you and hurt.  Those are feelings that I never thought I'd have with you."

"I'm sorry!" he says again.

Monica took his empty apology as a place to inhale deeply, "Your one night stand makes me wonder if that Vegas nurse was telling the truth after all, and that you and your people hid that from me."

"Seriously?" he's blind sided by that.  "That never happened Monica.  You were the only thing that I was doing out there.  I was at your side 24/7, worried sick that I may lose you."  He tosses his hands up in the air, "If you really think that that actually happened, why did you come home?"

"I live here.  This is kind of MY house."  She was referring to the fact that it was pre-marital property, reminding him that he's living in her house.

"Why do you do that?" he asks.

She answers, "Do what?"

"You go from being compassionate and wanting to talk to immediately flippant and crass.  You show that you do love me and then you hit below the belt."

"Rick says it's my way of processing my thoughts and feelings."  That was the wrong thing for her to say.

"You've talked to Rick about this?" she can see the anger, instantly, in his eyes.

"Yeah.  Don't you talk to the guys about your problems?"

"Sometimes, but not much about this and Erica.  Richie more than the others, but I try to stay private, you know that." 

Monica gives him a cocky smirk, "Maybe you should consider talking to someone?